is off to work bells goes...
i am only a bit apprehensive. i haven't worked outside the house
since i've belonged to Sir, and i welcomed the flexibility and extra
time working from Home gave. Happy Sir, Happy Home.
i stopped working to tackle the job of motherhood, that and the rest
of my domestic duties and service to Sir taking up almost all the day.
The time has come, though and Sir is sending me out to join the
workforce. i found a position rather easily, a part-time combination
scullery maid/sous chef and hopefully one day sommelier. (That damnable
social anxiety thing, i'm going to need some serious aftercare at the
end of the day. ^.^)
Really, i couldn't be more thrilled that i wasn't stuck doing months
of job searches, but truth being, i'm not so overjoyed at the prospect
of not being Home, doing the normal chores/childcare/service things i
usually do. i like the routine, and i dislike when it's interrupted momentarily, let alone completely revised.
The biggest mental hurdle i face is not in the fact that i’m leaving the house to work, but when.
Evenings and weekends, when Sir is Home, and i am normally serving Him.
i try to frame my perception of the paycheck as service, but it’s hard
to find joy in service expressed as cold digits instead of the, y’know,
adoring personal service i usually provide during that time. That’s the
stuff of warm fuzzies. Clocking in, not so much.
Knowing all that, i also know that i will get to a place of acceptance, maybe even enthusiasm, about this new service. i’m just not there, yet.