A long time ago, before Sir collared me, He and i were simply a couple who had a bit of kinky (wildly passionate, Earth-shattering) sex. With rope. Yum. As we spent more time together, it became pretty apparent that there was a hierarchy developing in our relationship. Thinking back, we didn’t really talk too much about it, He told me what to do, i served Him, and it just grew on us. When we got to the point where we realized what direction our relationship was heading, there was a decision to be made. No, there wasn’t a decision, forget i said that. We just had to admit it.
Oh, and there it was. i resisted that, inwardly. So what was to be done? Well, we fought for it. Literally. We had this grand brawl. It ran for two hours and every room in the apartment. Seen Fight Club? Yeah, it was that beautiful. After all was said and done, our wounds tended, the smoke cleared, i yielded. That is where my submission to Him began. i *needed* to put up a fight and lose, or i couldn’t have rolled over and bared my throat to submit, if that makes any sense, Dear Reader.
Now, in the time since, and certainly after Sir placed His collar on me, i have never really wavered in that submission. On the same token, i’ve never been in a position where i needed to forgive Him for a mistake of any magnitude. Until recently, that is. It was a bit of a crisis, really. i’ve put Sir on quite the pedestal, and honestly, the glimpse of His human fallibility rattled me. We talked about us, and talked about trust, i was hurt, He was contrite, and it was time to move on and rebuild, but i couldn’t.
my worldview had been turned upside down, and that resistance had come roaring back. i wanted to rely on His ownership of me to get me back to where i was before, but it wasn’t enough for me to go back to submitting like before. i was still so angry, and scared, lost, confused, in shock. i needed to lose myself to Sir again. i didn’t know it, though. Sometimes it’s creepy how well Sir knows me, because He saw me struggling to accept, and grasping for some precarious bit of submission i had left, and He decided it was necessary to go back to the beginning to reaffirm the structure of our relationship.
So He allowed me to fight to submit.
It was nowhere near as joyous as the first battle. i was brokenhearted, and enraged, and He knew there was no way i would win. He simply allowed me to get my licks in, gave me enough hurt to make it a fight, i was like one possessed, and He let me rage until i had nothing left. Then we woke up the next morning, bruised and battered, and we were content in the knowledge of where we stood, and that all the bad blood was let out. Oh, and had lots of sex.
i love that.