i'm figuring out things on my own, now, having my own revelations, but it was really nice to have someone to share my struggles with as they were happening, during these first awkward steps on this path, instead of muddling through it alone in my own head and only talking about it when i came out the other end.
i get that the rule of thumb when any slave is having a bit of turmoil is "talk to your Master", but that doesn't always work for me. Often, Sir gives me the catalyst, but the process is up to me, and sometimes genius can't exist in a vacuum. Discussing things with another person helped me put my own thoughts into some sort of coherent order. Thank you for that, friend, although i am deeply sorry it hurt you to do so.
You were such a wonderful friend, not only for listening so well as i worked through my trials, (much the same as i would for you, if you needed it) but everything else, too, i've learned so much besides. i will miss you, but i know this is what's best for you. i wish you nothing but happiness and joy, and hope you will forgive me someday for using you as a sounding board.
Fuck, though, it hurts. i was so happy to have a friend, and didn't even realise i was fucking it all up. i should have kept talking about the weather, why the fuck did i think you cared to hear about the shit that spins around in my head? Dammit all to hell, i was sorry, now i'm just pissed off because i'm crying about this, and it was stupid to not keep my fucking mouth shut, as usual.
i still love you, friend-who's-not-so-friendlike-anymore. A whole lot. This just really sucks.